Break ups

Right now I am feeling pretty pessimistic. I am trying to listen to as much EFY music as possible to make me feel better.

So apologies go out to everyone right now...because I am going to have a little vent session.

Dating sometimes SUCK. I mean sometimes it is super fun, but most of the time...IT SUCKS.

It sucks because it can consume your mind.

First dates can be fun, but having the same conversation over and over and over on first dates is annoying. It is also annoying when you keep getting asked out by people you are not interested it. I mean really? Why can't a boy you like just ask you?

but in REALITY what SUCKS most of all about dating is hurting someone:(

I mean the ones above mention can suck, but in comparison they are nothing. This is why I don't like dating. I hate letting the other person down. I hate hurting them because I am not feeling the same. It is the worst feeling in the world knowing that I hurt someone. What kills me is that the guys can be absolutely perfect on paper, and they treat me right, but if I am not feeling it, I am not feeling it. When I am not feeling it I try and give it a chance. I want it to work out. If the guy treats me right and is great why would I not give it a chance? They deserve it. Why would I not want to end up with a guy like that anyway? But the problem with trying it out and giving it a chance leads to the possibility that I still won't be feeling it...which could cause me to hurt the guy even more. It saddens me to end it because I know I hurt one of the greatest guys I know. I want them to be happy, but I know I made them sad. I know I hurt and dissapointed them.

Then after you end things, it gets awkward. You feel like you lost a good friend. You lost the person that you had been spending most your time with. You had spent so much time with them and things start reminding you of them. Even though you know you made the right decision of ending things, it starts to get hard because you start to feel ALONE. You feel stuck, you can't escape memories from him, and when you are reminded of him you begin to feel bad and guilty again, wishing he could have been the boy that made you happy because you know you made him happy. That is why dating sucks, because HURTING PEOPLE SUCKS.

but then you realize that this is just a small moment in our lives. You need this experience to learn something, which you did. Heavenly Father has a plan, and if you are doing the things you are suppose to it will all work out. Sometimes it is just hard to remember that.

All in all...I think I want to take a break from dating.

Happy finals!